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Title: Beyond Good and Evil; 35. – Jet Pack
Authors:![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif)
aenigmadarai and kawree
Pairing[s]: Reno/Tifa, and some hints of Tseng/Elena. Some one-sided Cloud/Tifa, a dash of blink-and-you'll-miss-it Rosalind/Tseng, and maybe some eventual Yuffie/Cloud if the planets align properly.
Rating: R for some chapters which will contain graphic imagery.
Summary: In which Reno gives us his thoughts on yaoi.
Café Nietzsche, Edge; 13:46
Tuesday, October 26th 1999
Colette's eyes snapped to the window when there was the sound of car horns and then the loud screeching sound of metal against metal. "Oh my gods!" she cried, and the other waitress on the floor glanced up, her eyes widening as she watched the collision unfold in the square just outside the diner. As Colette watched in horror, she saw a flash of red amongst the twisted grey and black chrome of the cars, and realized that the Turk and the boy she had just served had been thrown across the street with the force of the impact. "I'll be right back!" she gasped, and dropped her memo pad and pen to dash for the door.
She had never seen anyone die before; Colette didn't want her first experience with death to come today at the hands of incongruous happenstance. She didn't particularly like ShinRa or the Turks, but that redheaded man had been pleasant and tipped her well. After having abstractly feared her demise would come at the hands of Reno the Turk, Colette might have found it fiercely ironic that she would be the one to rush outside with the fear he had just met his own.
The first thing Denzel was really aware of was the stinging pain in his arms. They'd landed on the pavement and skidded to a stop, and it felt like most of the skin on his left arm was gone. His right arm stung too; that made less sense, but maybe there'd been bouncing involved...?
And then, suddenly--so suddenly he felt himself get something of a headache with the speed of it--Denzel became aware of a second thing. He was getting really sick of finding himself lying on the pavement beneath the arms of an adult who cared about him. What good was he anyway, if all he did was get other people hurt? He was no better than Cloud.
"R--fuck!" And Denzel discovered a third thing. Breathing really hurt. That made talking out of the question for the time being; shit, his torso felt like he'd been crushed in a vice. Reno had been squeezing him so hard, it felt like he'd bruised something. He was bruised and scraped all over, and now that he was taking stock of his bodily damage, he found that his legs ached so badly he dreaded walking. They must have been bouncing all over the place...
Slowly, Denzel squirmed a little, gritting his teeth against the pain of it, and he unsuccessfully tried to disentangle himself from Reno. So then, after easing himself to relax back against the Turk, Denzel instead inhaled before voicing the muffled inquiry into Reno's chest, "...We just got hit by a car, didn't we?"
Reno was too busy trying to maintain his grip on consciousness to answer the boy immediately. His entire body was a ball of pain, his arms shaking heavily where they were still wrapped tightly around Denzel's body, the backs of his hands raw and bloodied from where they had hit the pavement and skidded, rolling and tumbling over the rough road and finally coming to a stop when Reno slammed up against the side of a building. The wind knocked soundly out of him, he struggled a moment to inhale, and barely managed to croak out an, "Are you still in one piece, tiger?" before surrendering to a fit of choking that made his entire (seriously bruised) body ache. He would assess his own injuries later--he'd been through far worse than this. But if Denzel had been hurt, he'd kick himself for a week.
"Didn't lose any pieces," Denzel mumbled, content to lie there breathing in air he was sucking through Reno's shirt. The clean air really wasn't worth having to move. "Layers. Not pieces. One piece," he clarified wearily. "...Can you move?" he checked once he'd managed to inhale again.
When Denzel assured him that he was, in fact, still whole and at least mostly unhurt, the strength bled out of Reno's arms and the redhead slumped against the sidewalk beneath them, Denzel's frame sliding from his grip and rolling gently onto the ground as Reno concentrated on breathing. Now that he knew Denzel was moderately fine, he could appraise damage to his own person. His arms were fine, it seemed--he'd managed to maintain hold on Denzel through the brunt of the collision, so he had to assume they weren't broken. His suit was actually made of a Kevlar-weave fabric, so sliding across the pavement hadn't done much damage to the sleeves or his arms beneath. His hands were battered and bloody--he could feel it--but no fingers were broken, thank the gods. He was pretty certain he'd cracked his head good on the asphalt two or seven times; his head ached like the worst hangover he'd had in months, and he was, quite frankly, having a touch time clinging to consciousness. Dammit. He hadn't been concussed in over a year! Now that ongoing contest with Rafe would have to be reset!
Finally able to draw a full breath, Reno hesitated, then replied to Denzel's inquiry, "I think I broke something." He shifted a little, then gasped in pain. "Yup...yup, definitely broke something," he said then. "And by 'something' I mean 'possibly my pelvis'." His entire left leg was a white-hot flare of pain, and movement in the slightest was so painful it actually brought tears to his eyes.
Denzel found himself on the asphalt now, and let out a long low groan that Reno was supposed to understand meant he was glad the Turk wasn't dead. "...Paramedics...should be here soon. They'll Cure you." Closing his eyes, Denzel let out a sigh, suddenly feeling like he was going to throw up. Maybe a sandwich and a half atop a cup of soup and chili cheese fries hadn't been the best idea after all. "...Thank you," he murmured, knowing the Turk had just saved him from extreme pain and possibly death. He wasn't even sure if the words he was thinking were coming out of his mouth. "--way better than Cloud." That last part, at least, had been audible, unless that was just his ears ringing.
"Don't mention it," Reno replied through clenched teeth, shifting again and biting down hard on his tongue as his left leg screamed fiery agony in protest. "Can you...move without horrible pain, kiddo?" he asked then. "If you can get my EMR for me, we won't have to wait for the stupid paramedics."
"Good gods, are you two all right?" came a frantic voice, and Reno lifted his eyes in time to catch an eyeful of Colette's bright pink panties as she dropped to a crouch right beside his head, her hands flitting around the two of them in a frenzy. "Mr. Turk, sir? Can you hear me?"
"Y...yes, Colette, I can hear you," he assured her with something of a tolerant smile. "I don't suppose you brought about a ton of ice with you?"
She shook her head. "N-no!" she cried. "Oh gods, I'm such an idiot! Of course I should have brought ice! Hang on! I'll go get some--just...just hang in there!"
"Colette, I'm not dying," he assured her, but she didn't look like she entirely believed him as she leapt back to her feet and waved her hands again.
"Little boy, are you hurt?" she asked then, shifting her attention briefly. "Is...can I call your mother or something? Why aren't you in school?"
"Lunch break," Denzel groaned. "...Do you see Reno's stick anywhere? Metal stick...?"
"Stick?" She blinked rapidly, her eyes scanning the ground. "Oh...this?" She crouched again and gingerly unsnapped the EMR from where it was attached to Reno's hip. She held it in her hands a moment, then frowned. "What...what do I do with it?"
Reno grimaced horridly as he tried again in vain to move. "You don't have to do anything with it. Help me up," he instructed. "It's got materia in it; help me sit up and I'll do it."
She dropped the EMR with a start. "Ma-materia?" she gasped, looking alarmed, and then cast a glance over her shoulder as if someone might see her and find fault with her for associating with such shenanigans. A small crowd was gathering on the sidewalk near where the wreckage of the cars was twisted and smoking in the center of the intersection. Either no one had seen Reno and Denzel get hit by the vehicles, or everyone was too afraid to approach an injured Turk. For a fleeting moment, Reno was infinitely glad he'd tipped Colette so well.
"It won't...won't hurt you," he assured her. "I don't expect you to use it; just help me up, okay?" He didn't mean to sound so snappish, but he was seriously teetering on the edge of unconsciousness, and he wanted to hurry up and Cure Denzel before he passed out.
Swallowing hard, Colette slipped a hand under Reno's neck and helped haul him into an upright position (but not before nearly dropping him when he howled as his injured leg exploded in pain again). Supporting him by the back of his neck, she pressed the EMR into his hand. He was about to cast Regen on the boy when his phone began to ring obnoxiously from his jacket pocket.
"Oh, sonovabitch," he snarled, and waved the EMR toward Denzel, squeezing his eyes closed as a wave of vertigo swept over his body. Bringing his other hand to his brow, he groaned and pressed his fingertips into his eye sockets to try and keep a hold on coherence.
Denzel felt better almost immediately, and he pushed himself upright, wincing but not considerably so. He wasn't too injured, and within about half a minute he'd probably be back to full health again. "You retard," he chided. "I was practically okay. Isn't your hip broken? Cure yourself, you dumb fucker."
Reno chuckled weakly. "Watch your language," he scolded, reaching into his pocket to pick up his phone. Snapping it open, he answered clumsily, "Reno here."
Rude arched an eyebrow. "Reno? You sound terrible; where are you?"
"Out and about," he replied, pressing his fingertips harder into his eyes. "What's up? I'm a little preoccupied at the moment."
Shifting the car into a higher gear and stepping on the gas, Rude propped the phone between his jaw and shoulder. "There was apparently a big wreck near one of the highway entrance ramps," he informed him. "Reeve said it just opened up the other day and was horrified at the news. Tseng wants us to go check it out. Can I come pick you up?"
Reno barked a laugh. "I'll meet you there," he replied, and snapped the phone closed. Then he sighed and listed backward, and Colette squeaked in alarm.
"Mr. Turk, sir?"
Reno shook his head, then cast a Cura on himself without opening his eyes. The vertigo got exponentially worse, but the pain in the lower half of his body faded enough to where he no longer felt like he was going to pass out because of it. Bringing both hands to either side of his head, grinding his teeth, he groaned softly, doubling forward and grimacing as a new type of anguish assaulted his nerves.
"Oh gods it hurts so fucking much when bones mend!" he moaned, laughing so he didn't cry out in pain.
"...Can I tell my mom you shattered your pelvis to save my life, or are we just going to keep this whole day a secret and hope she doesn't decide to watch the news?" Denzel asked dryly, grinning a bit at Reno's admittedly impressive display of manliness and figuring he'd help the Turk keep his mind off the pain. "I can leave out the part where you curled up in the waitress's arms if you want."
Colette stiffened visibly, suddenly uncomfortable, and hesitantly recoiled her arms when Reno appeared to have his senses about him enough to remain upright on his own. Reno made a noise halfway between a laugh and a sob, and shook one finger weakly at Denzel. "You," he said, "are a wiseass." He lifted his eyes to Denzel and grinned toothily, though it looked admittedly more like a grimace. "Don't tell your ma what happened," he requested then. "I don't think she'd appreciate it if I took you out to lunch and got you run over; you're supposed to be in school, after all."
"Do...you boys still want that ice?" Colette offered, sounding eager to change the subject. She wasn't sure she liked the idea of ShinRa promoting truancy and somehow being guilty by association.
"...Yeah," Denzel decided, shooing her off with one hand and grinning at Reno. After the waitress scurried off, he teased the Turk, "You sure? She might think you're a hero or something, right?"
Sitting very still so as not to further aggravate the mending bones, Reno drew a slow, deep breath, and then shook his head. "If she asks, don't lie," he instructed, "but don't offer up the information. I don't want her to find out I accidentally told you everything." He rubbed the back of his head, hissing through his teeth as his fingers danced gently over what was going to be an impressive goose-egg in an hour or so. "Oh...man, I'm gonna catch so much flak for this," he muttered under his breath. "Tseng is never gonna let me live this down, yo." Then he looked at Denzel. "When Colette gets back with that ice, take it and head on back to school, yah?" he suggested. "My partner is coming soon, and I don't want him to see you here; it might raise questions."
"Right," he agreed with a nod. "And Rude doesn't know yet? It's just you and my mom then, huh? And me now--hey Colette," greeted the boy loudly, in case Reno wasn't paying attention. "Thanks for that ice; say, do you know what time it is?" He took the ice and handed it over to Reno. Thanks to that Regen, he didn't really need the ice at all.
Reno accepted the towel full of ice a bit more gratefully than he supposed was entirely macho, but at the moment he didn't really care. The knot on the back of his head hurt like a bitch, and he actually would have loved to have just leaned back against the brick wall and slide into unconsciousness like his brain wanted him to. But that would probably have scared Denzel and given Colette an aneurysm. Pressing the ice to the back of his head, he shifted a little and went ahead and leaned against the wall, a bit too drained and woozy to remain upright without assistance.
Colette checked her wrist watch. "It's...five til two," she replied to Denzel. "Why?"
"Oh shit!" he exclaimed instead of replying. "If I'm not in class, they'll call my mom, and fuck would that be hard to explain." Lurching to his feet, he waved to Colette and hesitantly touched Reno's shoulder. "Thanks again. I'll see you later?" he asked hopefully, as if maybe Reno would suddenly decide he wasn't worth knowing, what with the cherry attacks and the car wrecks and all. Then he darted away, limping slightly but all in all carrying himself quite well.
Reno might have nodded agreement to the boy's inquiry, but in all honesty, he was pretty uncertain of anything that was currently going on. His head was killing him, and somehow he didn't have the strength to hold the ice against the lump anymore. His arm slid to his side, the towel of ice falling to the pavement.
"Did you...really save his life?" Colette asked, jarring Reno out of his stupor for a moment.
"...Eh?"
She crouched down beside him and closed his fingers over the ice again, lifting his hand up to his head for him. "That little boy," she clarified softly. "You...shielded him with your body and took the brunt of the impact." She smiled faintly, and he squinted at her, her face wobbling in his gaze as dark grey fuzz threatened to close in on his awareness.
"...Yes?"
"That was really cool," she breathed, and Reno managed half a chuckle before closing his eyes and surrendering to the obscurity at the edges of his consciousness.
He was tugged back to wakefulness by the sound of a worried voice, and the sensation of pressure against his brow. "...no...? Reno? Reno!"
"Mm...muh?" His eyes fluttered open, the world swimming into watery focus, and he cracked half a smile at his partner. "Hey~~ I know you," he said intelligently, and Rude whipped his sunglasses off his face to glare daggers at the redhead.
"You got hit by a car," Rude informed him harshly, as if he might not have realized. Reno blinked.
"Hm?"
"Do you know what happened?" he asked, and Reno grinned fetchingly.
"You just told me!" he chirped, and Rude palmed his face.
"So help me, Reno, if you tell me you're Batman I'm going to punch you in the face."
"Would you accept Awesome Man?" he ventured, and Rude just gave him a level stare. Reno looked contrite. "S...sorry, buddy," he said then. "There was a kid in the intersection; I couldn't just..."
"Can you stand?" Rude interjected, less interested in Reno's attempts to be a Good Samaritan and more concerned for the big-hearted idiot's well-being.
"Maybe?" he replied, and extended one hand much like a fallen child might. "Little help?"
Taking Reno's hand and gently pulling the slender man to his feet, he slung an arm around Reno's midsection and helped him limp toward the car. "I'm taking you home," he said firmly, pulling open the passenger door and lowering his partner into the seat.
"Wait--my EMR," Reno gasped, suddenly looking very worried, as though he'd forgotten an old friend at the scene of a crime, and Rude rolled his eyes.
"I already got it," he said, pulling back the corner of his jacket and unclipping it from his belt where it dangled alongside his own weapon. He snapped it open and cast another Cura on his partner for good measure, then placed the EMR in Reno's lap. "Come on," he said, "I'll take you to your place and then go tell Tseng what happened."
"Think I cracked my head," Reno admitted, rubbing it absently, and Rude quirked an eyebrow.
"Doesn't make much of a difference these days," he said cheekily, and Reno promptly flicked him off.
7th Heaven, Edge, 21:56
Tifa looked up as the door opened, knowing any minute now Reno would be showing up. She was pleasantly surprised to see Rude walk in with the redhead, at least until she registered Reno's current state. He lifted one hand in something of a casual wave, and she was alarmed to see his hands were bandaged thoroughly. His fingers remained free of the wrappings so he could still move them, and from what she could see, they were heavily bruised. A bandage was wrapped around his head as well, sending his hair more askew than normal, and what was worse--he wasn't even wearing his goggles. Tifa had to assume he had one hell of a goose-egg to have cause to remove them. Perhaps more disconcerting--and certainly more unusual--was the fact that he was dressed in civies, a simple white T-shirt and jeans, though he still wore his most favoritest jacket. And he was limping. And badly, at that, favoring his left hip and grimacing faintly as he moved.
"What the hell happened?" she greeted, an eyebrow lifting worriedly as she watched Reno shuffle over to a barstool under Rude's watchful eye.
"Hey Lockhart," he acknowledged cheerfully, hissing through his teeth as he slid into the set. He hoped that using her surname instead of his usual terms of endearment would clue her in to the fact that Rude still wasn't aware of their relationship situation. "Uh...oh, this?" he asked then, gesturing vaguely at his person. "I got into a car accident this afternoon."
She quirked an eyebrow. "I didn't even know you had a car," she replied, and he barked a laugh.
"I don't," he assured her, and waited a beat--for dramatic effect, she garnered--before continuing, "I...actually got hit by a car..." He smiled sheepishly. "I wonder if I can get hazard pay for being injured on my lunch break..."
Rude shook his head. "You can't," he answered. "I checked." And Reno just burst out laughing again.
"You got...hit...by a car," she echoed, looking utterly baffled. That was good, actually--it meant Denzel hadn't breathed a word. "...And you've got one hell of a concussion, I'd wager, or those goggles would still be on your head. So," asked Tifa, folding her arms over the counter, "you won't be drinking tonight. What can I get for you, Rude?"
Reno made a comically disappointed face, "Awww, come on, Babe~" he whined. "Ain't'cha even gonna offer me some'a that bitchin' coffee you stock?"
"Do you carry absinthe?" Rude asked softly, and Tifa blinked at his request. She hadn't pegged Rude for an absinthe drinker.
"I...uh, wow," she murmured, blinking a little. "...Coffee I have. I don't...carry absinthe, not on the floor. I have a bottle of it in the back though; do you want with the sugar cubes and the fire and all that?" What? Absinthe? Buh? Reno's best friend drank absinthe?
He smiled faintly. "You don't have to do all that," he replied. "I'd settle for a Green Vesper, though."
Reno jerked a thumb at his partner. "Weird, ain't he?" he asked, and then smiled fetchingly. "No worries, though; he doesn't get spooky when he drinks the stuff. Guy's been drinking it for years."
"For you? I can do either. What'll it be?" She smiled at him, lifting an eyebrow. "But I'm trusting you on this. I don't carry it openly because people get really creepy with it. I've had a hard enough time with insistent drunks, and the last thing I want is for those drunks to also be tripping out in my bar." Tifa shook a finger at Reno's partner, though she continued to smile. "Promise me you'll be good."
Rude was certain his face would have been redder than his partner's hair were it not for the hefty helping of melanin. "Y...yes ma'am," he stammered.
Reno shook his head. "You'll have to excuse him," he guffawed, "he's physically incapable of using more than fifteen syllables at a time."
"You're lucky you're already injured," Rude muttered with mock menace as he shook a fist, and Reno grinned cheekily.
"What he would go over quota to say is that he'll have a Vesper because all-out straight absinthe would be conspicuous and he wouldn't want to create a scene," Reno continued. "If you don't 'carry' absinthe, then he'll take it in a mixer."
She chuckled, pouring Reno a tall cup of coffee and sliding it over to him. "Good thing you speak stoic, huh?" she quipped, giving Rude a playful wink as she pulled out a glass and began putting together the rest of the mixer.
"Yup," the redhead replied proudly. "Been his official translator for over a decade, yo."
"If you'll make sure no one steals anything, I'll duck into the back and top this off for you, okay?"
Reno gingerly brought a hand to his brow in his two-fingered salute as Rude cleared his throat awkwardly and nodded. "We're on the job," Reno assured her with a smile, and when Tifa had ducked into the back room, Rude lightly poked Reno in the shoulder.
"What are you doing?" the dark man hissed, and Reno rolled his eyes.
"Making conversation?" he ventured. "One of us has to." Rude looked uncomfortable, and Reno squinted. "You're still crushing on her...aren't you?" he asked softly, and Rude cleared his throat again. Reno sighed. Part of him wanted to tell his partner that if he didn't learn to get over his shyness and go after what he wanted, he would never get what he wanted...but at the same time, Reno knew that this was one thing Rude couldn't have anyway... Not anymore. Besides, Rude had been clamming up about what he wanted for more than ten years, it wasn't like he was going to start spouting epic poetry now to make up for lost time.
Reappearing from the back room with a now rather green drink, Tifa sidled behind the bar and set it down in front of Rude, offering him a stirring straw. "There you go--enjoy. How's your coffee, dummy?" she asked then, leaning on the counter with one arm and smirking at Reno. "And were you planning on entertaining me with the epic recounting of how you got hit by a car, or am I going to have to guess?"
Reno scowled at her. "Well if you're just going to tease me about it, maybe I'll make you guess," he replied. She stared him down a moment, and his scowl melted rather quickly into something like a wince. "All right, all right," he conceded, and Rude snerked, swirling his drink and then lifting it to his lips to take a slow sip.
"Reno, you just keep folding like a flower," he quipped.
"That's not what you said last night," he snapped back, and Rude just gave him a level gaze.
Tifa, on the other hand, choked and ended up coughing. "Okay, boys...wow. A little TMI there, Reno." She laughed and just shook her head helplessly. "I'm not judging or anything," she teased, holding up her hands. "I mean, whatever you two do behind closed doors is...up to you. I had no idea you two were...partners, as it were."
Reno spluttered and choked on his coffee, and Rude just swallowed a laugh, taking another drag off his cocktail with a long, thin smile on his lips. Reno slammed one fist into the counter--"Ow! Motherfucker!"--and swore colorfully when pain lanced up his arm. Wringing his hand and biting his lip, he cast Tifa a soulful look. "Oh, come on, Lockhart," he whined, "can't you take a joke?" He nodded his head toward his partner. "Baldy here is straight as a board."
She arched one eyebrow. "And you?" she prompted.
He threaded his fingers together (carefully) and waggled his eyebrows enticingly. "You want a demonstration?" he asked, and Rude glowered.
"Reno, you broke your pelvis," he reminded him. "You are not going to be demonstrating anything, whether it's for educational purposes or otherwise."
"You broke your pelvis?!" Tifa yelped a little louder than she meant to do. Moreover, she sounded much more dismayed than she should have, but that was a different matter altogether. "How the hell did you--dear gods, Reno!" How was the man walking at all?
He just blinked at her. "What?" he asked, sounding genuinely surprised by her shock. "It's not like I've never broken myself before..." An auburn eyebrow arched. "You've been there for at least one occasion of breakage--aren't you going to rib me about the time you broke a bunch of my ribs?"
Her dismay hadn't escaped him, and a little part of him was secretly amused and ever so slightly warmed by her thinly veiled worry.
"Well I wasn't going to, but then you went and made that awful pun," she teased, shaking her head at him. "Still. Your pelvis. Dear gods." Angling that fine eyebrow at Rude again, Tifa inquired, "How'd you manage to let him get hit by a car, hm?"
Rude bristled visibly. "I wasn't there," he insisted stiffly, setting his drink down sharply. "He was on his lunch break and decided to run out into traffic--"
"For your information," Reno interjected, turning his eyes to Tifa, "there was a kid in the crosswalk, and I wasn't about to let him get flattened--" He stopped short, realizing that if Tifa found out it was Denzel he'd saved from the car, his efforts to keep secret the fact that he'd assisted in the boy's tardiness after lunch would be blown.
Tifa's pretty face broke into an approving smile. And you think you won't make a good dad, her eyes chided him before she lifted her gaze to Rude. "C'mon, I was kidding," she told him, reaching out and nudging him in the shoulder. "From what Reno says, you're a great partner. I didn't mean anything by it."
Reno actually chuckled when Rude grumbled something unintelligible under his breath and sipped at his drink again. "Don't mind him, Babe," he said jovially, leaning forward again to nurse at his cup of coffee. "He knows you don't mean any harm."
Rude fidgeted in his seat and took another long drink of his cocktail, since he couldn't exactly be expected to say anything through a mouthful of booze. Then he shook his head, grumbling, "Anyone else might have killed him by now." He frowned balefully at the redhead. "Or themselves."
Laughing, Reno nudged Rude gingerly in the ribs. "Come on, you know you love how exciting I make your life," he teased, and Rude just looked at Tifa, one eyebrow lifted sharply above his sunglasses.
"I don't know how his mother survived," he said to the woman, capping his sunglasses at her. "I've known this pain in the ass since he was five, and I've had to stay my hand no less than three-hundred times."
Tifa burst out laughing, and it wasn't obvious if she was laughing because it was funny or because it was true, or whether she was laughing at Rude or at Reno. "You're doing better than I am," she chuckled. "I've known him just about two years and I've hit the same threshold." And she winked at Reno, trying to avoid an indignant squawk that would probably hurt his torso.
Reno scowled at her. "You're mean," he groused into his coffee. "Although I feel I must congratulate you. You actually got Rude saying more than three words at a time. Usually I'm the only one who can do that."
Grinning, she lifted an eyebrow at Rude. "Well, I must say I'm honored, then, though I'm kind of wondering why. You don't know me too well, at least not in any way I was aware of--you read up on me and decide I'm worth talking to, or has Reno been talking about me behind my back?" Chuckling a little, Tifa glanced at Reno for a moment before looking back to Rude, finishing up her joke with, "In which case, I'd imagine he's worse than Elena. If only because she doesn't get hit by cars."
"Hay! Elena got kidnapped by a creepy mob boss, in case you forgot!" he snapped back, pounding his fist on the counter again and then sucking a sharp breath through his teeth at the pain.
Rude said nothing, but suddenly looked very interested in his drink again. It wasn't like he could tell Tifa the truth... Reno, meanwhile, was kicking himself in the back of his mind for egging Rude on at all, and it wasn't helping his concussion. His partner had been harboring a crush on Tifa for years now, and he'd not only slipped in under the radar and stolen her away, but was pretending to help him flirt with her. How cruel was that?
But then again...Rude had been dragging his feet with Tifa since he'd started liking her. In fact, Rude had been dragging his feet about girls in general as long as Reno had known him. Without Reno's incessant encouragement, Rude probably never would have dated anybody, except maybe Chelsea--and she'd been assigned to seek him out and date him. Poor Rude really couldn't have refused.
In all honesty, there had actually been a time when Reno had...questioned his friend's orientation. Rude had a history of balking when chatting up girls--he could barely chat, let alone with women--and Reno remembered countless occasions where he'd set his friend up with a pretty girl only to find Rude showing up at alone a few hours later after having made some bad excuse and fleeing the vicinity. It had all been rather unnerving, to be honest. Reno and Rude had grown up together, and the sudden idea that Rude might have been secretly harboring other crushes as fiercely as he'd been harboring the one on Tifa had left Reno feeling decidedly disconcerted...
what the hell are you talking about? is that what you would say?
if i were to wonder out loud, would it make you turn away?
just a curious question to think about...
if it was you and me and nobody else would want me to want to be ready to go?
would you want to take the lights down low?
you're the one stepping on the back of my shoes
you're the one using me as a muse
you're the one with the jet pack strapped to your back ready to go
ready to go...
whoooo i got an update out in a timely fashion this month! :D maybe i should just schedule to update on the first of the month--whaddya think of that, kids? might actually get things right if i do it the same time each month.
anyhoo, this chapter was a lot of fun to write. we got to poke fun at a bunch of fanon, and you all know how much we love to do that. XD it is, of course, all in good fun. we're not trying to offend anybody, so we hope you all laughed with us this chapter. ♥
Authors:
aenigmadarai and kawreePairing[s]: Reno/Tifa, and some hints of Tseng/Elena. Some one-sided Cloud/Tifa, a dash of blink-and-you'll-miss-it Rosalind/Tseng, and maybe some eventual Yuffie/Cloud if the planets align properly.
Rating: R for some chapters which will contain graphic imagery.
Summary: In which Reno gives us his thoughts on yaoi.
Café Nietzsche, Edge; 13:46
Tuesday, October 26th 1999
Colette's eyes snapped to the window when there was the sound of car horns and then the loud screeching sound of metal against metal. "Oh my gods!" she cried, and the other waitress on the floor glanced up, her eyes widening as she watched the collision unfold in the square just outside the diner. As Colette watched in horror, she saw a flash of red amongst the twisted grey and black chrome of the cars, and realized that the Turk and the boy she had just served had been thrown across the street with the force of the impact. "I'll be right back!" she gasped, and dropped her memo pad and pen to dash for the door.
She had never seen anyone die before; Colette didn't want her first experience with death to come today at the hands of incongruous happenstance. She didn't particularly like ShinRa or the Turks, but that redheaded man had been pleasant and tipped her well. After having abstractly feared her demise would come at the hands of Reno the Turk, Colette might have found it fiercely ironic that she would be the one to rush outside with the fear he had just met his own.
The first thing Denzel was really aware of was the stinging pain in his arms. They'd landed on the pavement and skidded to a stop, and it felt like most of the skin on his left arm was gone. His right arm stung too; that made less sense, but maybe there'd been bouncing involved...?
And then, suddenly--so suddenly he felt himself get something of a headache with the speed of it--Denzel became aware of a second thing. He was getting really sick of finding himself lying on the pavement beneath the arms of an adult who cared about him. What good was he anyway, if all he did was get other people hurt? He was no better than Cloud.
"R--fuck!" And Denzel discovered a third thing. Breathing really hurt. That made talking out of the question for the time being; shit, his torso felt like he'd been crushed in a vice. Reno had been squeezing him so hard, it felt like he'd bruised something. He was bruised and scraped all over, and now that he was taking stock of his bodily damage, he found that his legs ached so badly he dreaded walking. They must have been bouncing all over the place...
Slowly, Denzel squirmed a little, gritting his teeth against the pain of it, and he unsuccessfully tried to disentangle himself from Reno. So then, after easing himself to relax back against the Turk, Denzel instead inhaled before voicing the muffled inquiry into Reno's chest, "...We just got hit by a car, didn't we?"
Reno was too busy trying to maintain his grip on consciousness to answer the boy immediately. His entire body was a ball of pain, his arms shaking heavily where they were still wrapped tightly around Denzel's body, the backs of his hands raw and bloodied from where they had hit the pavement and skidded, rolling and tumbling over the rough road and finally coming to a stop when Reno slammed up against the side of a building. The wind knocked soundly out of him, he struggled a moment to inhale, and barely managed to croak out an, "Are you still in one piece, tiger?" before surrendering to a fit of choking that made his entire (seriously bruised) body ache. He would assess his own injuries later--he'd been through far worse than this. But if Denzel had been hurt, he'd kick himself for a week.
"Didn't lose any pieces," Denzel mumbled, content to lie there breathing in air he was sucking through Reno's shirt. The clean air really wasn't worth having to move. "Layers. Not pieces. One piece," he clarified wearily. "...Can you move?" he checked once he'd managed to inhale again.
When Denzel assured him that he was, in fact, still whole and at least mostly unhurt, the strength bled out of Reno's arms and the redhead slumped against the sidewalk beneath them, Denzel's frame sliding from his grip and rolling gently onto the ground as Reno concentrated on breathing. Now that he knew Denzel was moderately fine, he could appraise damage to his own person. His arms were fine, it seemed--he'd managed to maintain hold on Denzel through the brunt of the collision, so he had to assume they weren't broken. His suit was actually made of a Kevlar-weave fabric, so sliding across the pavement hadn't done much damage to the sleeves or his arms beneath. His hands were battered and bloody--he could feel it--but no fingers were broken, thank the gods. He was pretty certain he'd cracked his head good on the asphalt two or seven times; his head ached like the worst hangover he'd had in months, and he was, quite frankly, having a touch time clinging to consciousness. Dammit. He hadn't been concussed in over a year! Now that ongoing contest with Rafe would have to be reset!
Finally able to draw a full breath, Reno hesitated, then replied to Denzel's inquiry, "I think I broke something." He shifted a little, then gasped in pain. "Yup...yup, definitely broke something," he said then. "And by 'something' I mean 'possibly my pelvis'." His entire left leg was a white-hot flare of pain, and movement in the slightest was so painful it actually brought tears to his eyes.
Denzel found himself on the asphalt now, and let out a long low groan that Reno was supposed to understand meant he was glad the Turk wasn't dead. "...Paramedics...should be here soon. They'll Cure you." Closing his eyes, Denzel let out a sigh, suddenly feeling like he was going to throw up. Maybe a sandwich and a half atop a cup of soup and chili cheese fries hadn't been the best idea after all. "...Thank you," he murmured, knowing the Turk had just saved him from extreme pain and possibly death. He wasn't even sure if the words he was thinking were coming out of his mouth. "--way better than Cloud." That last part, at least, had been audible, unless that was just his ears ringing.
"Don't mention it," Reno replied through clenched teeth, shifting again and biting down hard on his tongue as his left leg screamed fiery agony in protest. "Can you...move without horrible pain, kiddo?" he asked then. "If you can get my EMR for me, we won't have to wait for the stupid paramedics."
"Good gods, are you two all right?" came a frantic voice, and Reno lifted his eyes in time to catch an eyeful of Colette's bright pink panties as she dropped to a crouch right beside his head, her hands flitting around the two of them in a frenzy. "Mr. Turk, sir? Can you hear me?"
"Y...yes, Colette, I can hear you," he assured her with something of a tolerant smile. "I don't suppose you brought about a ton of ice with you?"
She shook her head. "N-no!" she cried. "Oh gods, I'm such an idiot! Of course I should have brought ice! Hang on! I'll go get some--just...just hang in there!"
"Colette, I'm not dying," he assured her, but she didn't look like she entirely believed him as she leapt back to her feet and waved her hands again.
"Little boy, are you hurt?" she asked then, shifting her attention briefly. "Is...can I call your mother or something? Why aren't you in school?"
"Lunch break," Denzel groaned. "...Do you see Reno's stick anywhere? Metal stick...?"
"Stick?" She blinked rapidly, her eyes scanning the ground. "Oh...this?" She crouched again and gingerly unsnapped the EMR from where it was attached to Reno's hip. She held it in her hands a moment, then frowned. "What...what do I do with it?"
Reno grimaced horridly as he tried again in vain to move. "You don't have to do anything with it. Help me up," he instructed. "It's got materia in it; help me sit up and I'll do it."
She dropped the EMR with a start. "Ma-materia?" she gasped, looking alarmed, and then cast a glance over her shoulder as if someone might see her and find fault with her for associating with such shenanigans. A small crowd was gathering on the sidewalk near where the wreckage of the cars was twisted and smoking in the center of the intersection. Either no one had seen Reno and Denzel get hit by the vehicles, or everyone was too afraid to approach an injured Turk. For a fleeting moment, Reno was infinitely glad he'd tipped Colette so well.
"It won't...won't hurt you," he assured her. "I don't expect you to use it; just help me up, okay?" He didn't mean to sound so snappish, but he was seriously teetering on the edge of unconsciousness, and he wanted to hurry up and Cure Denzel before he passed out.
Swallowing hard, Colette slipped a hand under Reno's neck and helped haul him into an upright position (but not before nearly dropping him when he howled as his injured leg exploded in pain again). Supporting him by the back of his neck, she pressed the EMR into his hand. He was about to cast Regen on the boy when his phone began to ring obnoxiously from his jacket pocket.
"Oh, sonovabitch," he snarled, and waved the EMR toward Denzel, squeezing his eyes closed as a wave of vertigo swept over his body. Bringing his other hand to his brow, he groaned and pressed his fingertips into his eye sockets to try and keep a hold on coherence.
Denzel felt better almost immediately, and he pushed himself upright, wincing but not considerably so. He wasn't too injured, and within about half a minute he'd probably be back to full health again. "You retard," he chided. "I was practically okay. Isn't your hip broken? Cure yourself, you dumb fucker."
Reno chuckled weakly. "Watch your language," he scolded, reaching into his pocket to pick up his phone. Snapping it open, he answered clumsily, "Reno here."
Rude arched an eyebrow. "Reno? You sound terrible; where are you?"
"Out and about," he replied, pressing his fingertips harder into his eyes. "What's up? I'm a little preoccupied at the moment."
Shifting the car into a higher gear and stepping on the gas, Rude propped the phone between his jaw and shoulder. "There was apparently a big wreck near one of the highway entrance ramps," he informed him. "Reeve said it just opened up the other day and was horrified at the news. Tseng wants us to go check it out. Can I come pick you up?"
Reno barked a laugh. "I'll meet you there," he replied, and snapped the phone closed. Then he sighed and listed backward, and Colette squeaked in alarm.
"Mr. Turk, sir?"
Reno shook his head, then cast a Cura on himself without opening his eyes. The vertigo got exponentially worse, but the pain in the lower half of his body faded enough to where he no longer felt like he was going to pass out because of it. Bringing both hands to either side of his head, grinding his teeth, he groaned softly, doubling forward and grimacing as a new type of anguish assaulted his nerves.
"Oh gods it hurts so fucking much when bones mend!" he moaned, laughing so he didn't cry out in pain.
"...Can I tell my mom you shattered your pelvis to save my life, or are we just going to keep this whole day a secret and hope she doesn't decide to watch the news?" Denzel asked dryly, grinning a bit at Reno's admittedly impressive display of manliness and figuring he'd help the Turk keep his mind off the pain. "I can leave out the part where you curled up in the waitress's arms if you want."
Colette stiffened visibly, suddenly uncomfortable, and hesitantly recoiled her arms when Reno appeared to have his senses about him enough to remain upright on his own. Reno made a noise halfway between a laugh and a sob, and shook one finger weakly at Denzel. "You," he said, "are a wiseass." He lifted his eyes to Denzel and grinned toothily, though it looked admittedly more like a grimace. "Don't tell your ma what happened," he requested then. "I don't think she'd appreciate it if I took you out to lunch and got you run over; you're supposed to be in school, after all."
"Do...you boys still want that ice?" Colette offered, sounding eager to change the subject. She wasn't sure she liked the idea of ShinRa promoting truancy and somehow being guilty by association.
"...Yeah," Denzel decided, shooing her off with one hand and grinning at Reno. After the waitress scurried off, he teased the Turk, "You sure? She might think you're a hero or something, right?"
Sitting very still so as not to further aggravate the mending bones, Reno drew a slow, deep breath, and then shook his head. "If she asks, don't lie," he instructed, "but don't offer up the information. I don't want her to find out I accidentally told you everything." He rubbed the back of his head, hissing through his teeth as his fingers danced gently over what was going to be an impressive goose-egg in an hour or so. "Oh...man, I'm gonna catch so much flak for this," he muttered under his breath. "Tseng is never gonna let me live this down, yo." Then he looked at Denzel. "When Colette gets back with that ice, take it and head on back to school, yah?" he suggested. "My partner is coming soon, and I don't want him to see you here; it might raise questions."
"Right," he agreed with a nod. "And Rude doesn't know yet? It's just you and my mom then, huh? And me now--hey Colette," greeted the boy loudly, in case Reno wasn't paying attention. "Thanks for that ice; say, do you know what time it is?" He took the ice and handed it over to Reno. Thanks to that Regen, he didn't really need the ice at all.
Reno accepted the towel full of ice a bit more gratefully than he supposed was entirely macho, but at the moment he didn't really care. The knot on the back of his head hurt like a bitch, and he actually would have loved to have just leaned back against the brick wall and slide into unconsciousness like his brain wanted him to. But that would probably have scared Denzel and given Colette an aneurysm. Pressing the ice to the back of his head, he shifted a little and went ahead and leaned against the wall, a bit too drained and woozy to remain upright without assistance.
Colette checked her wrist watch. "It's...five til two," she replied to Denzel. "Why?"
"Oh shit!" he exclaimed instead of replying. "If I'm not in class, they'll call my mom, and fuck would that be hard to explain." Lurching to his feet, he waved to Colette and hesitantly touched Reno's shoulder. "Thanks again. I'll see you later?" he asked hopefully, as if maybe Reno would suddenly decide he wasn't worth knowing, what with the cherry attacks and the car wrecks and all. Then he darted away, limping slightly but all in all carrying himself quite well.
Reno might have nodded agreement to the boy's inquiry, but in all honesty, he was pretty uncertain of anything that was currently going on. His head was killing him, and somehow he didn't have the strength to hold the ice against the lump anymore. His arm slid to his side, the towel of ice falling to the pavement.
"Did you...really save his life?" Colette asked, jarring Reno out of his stupor for a moment.
"...Eh?"
She crouched down beside him and closed his fingers over the ice again, lifting his hand up to his head for him. "That little boy," she clarified softly. "You...shielded him with your body and took the brunt of the impact." She smiled faintly, and he squinted at her, her face wobbling in his gaze as dark grey fuzz threatened to close in on his awareness.
"...Yes?"
"That was really cool," she breathed, and Reno managed half a chuckle before closing his eyes and surrendering to the obscurity at the edges of his consciousness.
He was tugged back to wakefulness by the sound of a worried voice, and the sensation of pressure against his brow. "...no...? Reno? Reno!"
"Mm...muh?" His eyes fluttered open, the world swimming into watery focus, and he cracked half a smile at his partner. "Hey~~ I know you," he said intelligently, and Rude whipped his sunglasses off his face to glare daggers at the redhead.
"You got hit by a car," Rude informed him harshly, as if he might not have realized. Reno blinked.
"Hm?"
"Do you know what happened?" he asked, and Reno grinned fetchingly.
"You just told me!" he chirped, and Rude palmed his face.
"So help me, Reno, if you tell me you're Batman I'm going to punch you in the face."
"Would you accept Awesome Man?" he ventured, and Rude just gave him a level stare. Reno looked contrite. "S...sorry, buddy," he said then. "There was a kid in the intersection; I couldn't just..."
"Can you stand?" Rude interjected, less interested in Reno's attempts to be a Good Samaritan and more concerned for the big-hearted idiot's well-being.
"Maybe?" he replied, and extended one hand much like a fallen child might. "Little help?"
Taking Reno's hand and gently pulling the slender man to his feet, he slung an arm around Reno's midsection and helped him limp toward the car. "I'm taking you home," he said firmly, pulling open the passenger door and lowering his partner into the seat.
"Wait--my EMR," Reno gasped, suddenly looking very worried, as though he'd forgotten an old friend at the scene of a crime, and Rude rolled his eyes.
"I already got it," he said, pulling back the corner of his jacket and unclipping it from his belt where it dangled alongside his own weapon. He snapped it open and cast another Cura on his partner for good measure, then placed the EMR in Reno's lap. "Come on," he said, "I'll take you to your place and then go tell Tseng what happened."
"Think I cracked my head," Reno admitted, rubbing it absently, and Rude quirked an eyebrow.
"Doesn't make much of a difference these days," he said cheekily, and Reno promptly flicked him off.
7th Heaven, Edge, 21:56
Tifa looked up as the door opened, knowing any minute now Reno would be showing up. She was pleasantly surprised to see Rude walk in with the redhead, at least until she registered Reno's current state. He lifted one hand in something of a casual wave, and she was alarmed to see his hands were bandaged thoroughly. His fingers remained free of the wrappings so he could still move them, and from what she could see, they were heavily bruised. A bandage was wrapped around his head as well, sending his hair more askew than normal, and what was worse--he wasn't even wearing his goggles. Tifa had to assume he had one hell of a goose-egg to have cause to remove them. Perhaps more disconcerting--and certainly more unusual--was the fact that he was dressed in civies, a simple white T-shirt and jeans, though he still wore his most favoritest jacket. And he was limping. And badly, at that, favoring his left hip and grimacing faintly as he moved.
"What the hell happened?" she greeted, an eyebrow lifting worriedly as she watched Reno shuffle over to a barstool under Rude's watchful eye.
"Hey Lockhart," he acknowledged cheerfully, hissing through his teeth as he slid into the set. He hoped that using her surname instead of his usual terms of endearment would clue her in to the fact that Rude still wasn't aware of their relationship situation. "Uh...oh, this?" he asked then, gesturing vaguely at his person. "I got into a car accident this afternoon."
She quirked an eyebrow. "I didn't even know you had a car," she replied, and he barked a laugh.
"I don't," he assured her, and waited a beat--for dramatic effect, she garnered--before continuing, "I...actually got hit by a car..." He smiled sheepishly. "I wonder if I can get hazard pay for being injured on my lunch break..."
Rude shook his head. "You can't," he answered. "I checked." And Reno just burst out laughing again.
"You got...hit...by a car," she echoed, looking utterly baffled. That was good, actually--it meant Denzel hadn't breathed a word. "...And you've got one hell of a concussion, I'd wager, or those goggles would still be on your head. So," asked Tifa, folding her arms over the counter, "you won't be drinking tonight. What can I get for you, Rude?"
Reno made a comically disappointed face, "Awww, come on, Babe~" he whined. "Ain't'cha even gonna offer me some'a that bitchin' coffee you stock?"
"Do you carry absinthe?" Rude asked softly, and Tifa blinked at his request. She hadn't pegged Rude for an absinthe drinker.
"I...uh, wow," she murmured, blinking a little. "...Coffee I have. I don't...carry absinthe, not on the floor. I have a bottle of it in the back though; do you want with the sugar cubes and the fire and all that?" What? Absinthe? Buh? Reno's best friend drank absinthe?
He smiled faintly. "You don't have to do all that," he replied. "I'd settle for a Green Vesper, though."
Reno jerked a thumb at his partner. "Weird, ain't he?" he asked, and then smiled fetchingly. "No worries, though; he doesn't get spooky when he drinks the stuff. Guy's been drinking it for years."
"For you? I can do either. What'll it be?" She smiled at him, lifting an eyebrow. "But I'm trusting you on this. I don't carry it openly because people get really creepy with it. I've had a hard enough time with insistent drunks, and the last thing I want is for those drunks to also be tripping out in my bar." Tifa shook a finger at Reno's partner, though she continued to smile. "Promise me you'll be good."
Rude was certain his face would have been redder than his partner's hair were it not for the hefty helping of melanin. "Y...yes ma'am," he stammered.
Reno shook his head. "You'll have to excuse him," he guffawed, "he's physically incapable of using more than fifteen syllables at a time."
"You're lucky you're already injured," Rude muttered with mock menace as he shook a fist, and Reno grinned cheekily.
"What he would go over quota to say is that he'll have a Vesper because all-out straight absinthe would be conspicuous and he wouldn't want to create a scene," Reno continued. "If you don't 'carry' absinthe, then he'll take it in a mixer."
She chuckled, pouring Reno a tall cup of coffee and sliding it over to him. "Good thing you speak stoic, huh?" she quipped, giving Rude a playful wink as she pulled out a glass and began putting together the rest of the mixer.
"Yup," the redhead replied proudly. "Been his official translator for over a decade, yo."
"If you'll make sure no one steals anything, I'll duck into the back and top this off for you, okay?"
Reno gingerly brought a hand to his brow in his two-fingered salute as Rude cleared his throat awkwardly and nodded. "We're on the job," Reno assured her with a smile, and when Tifa had ducked into the back room, Rude lightly poked Reno in the shoulder.
"What are you doing?" the dark man hissed, and Reno rolled his eyes.
"Making conversation?" he ventured. "One of us has to." Rude looked uncomfortable, and Reno squinted. "You're still crushing on her...aren't you?" he asked softly, and Rude cleared his throat again. Reno sighed. Part of him wanted to tell his partner that if he didn't learn to get over his shyness and go after what he wanted, he would never get what he wanted...but at the same time, Reno knew that this was one thing Rude couldn't have anyway... Not anymore. Besides, Rude had been clamming up about what he wanted for more than ten years, it wasn't like he was going to start spouting epic poetry now to make up for lost time.
Reappearing from the back room with a now rather green drink, Tifa sidled behind the bar and set it down in front of Rude, offering him a stirring straw. "There you go--enjoy. How's your coffee, dummy?" she asked then, leaning on the counter with one arm and smirking at Reno. "And were you planning on entertaining me with the epic recounting of how you got hit by a car, or am I going to have to guess?"
Reno scowled at her. "Well if you're just going to tease me about it, maybe I'll make you guess," he replied. She stared him down a moment, and his scowl melted rather quickly into something like a wince. "All right, all right," he conceded, and Rude snerked, swirling his drink and then lifting it to his lips to take a slow sip.
"Reno, you just keep folding like a flower," he quipped.
"That's not what you said last night," he snapped back, and Rude just gave him a level gaze.
Tifa, on the other hand, choked and ended up coughing. "Okay, boys...wow. A little TMI there, Reno." She laughed and just shook her head helplessly. "I'm not judging or anything," she teased, holding up her hands. "I mean, whatever you two do behind closed doors is...up to you. I had no idea you two were...partners, as it were."
Reno spluttered and choked on his coffee, and Rude just swallowed a laugh, taking another drag off his cocktail with a long, thin smile on his lips. Reno slammed one fist into the counter--"Ow! Motherfucker!"--and swore colorfully when pain lanced up his arm. Wringing his hand and biting his lip, he cast Tifa a soulful look. "Oh, come on, Lockhart," he whined, "can't you take a joke?" He nodded his head toward his partner. "Baldy here is straight as a board."
She arched one eyebrow. "And you?" she prompted.
He threaded his fingers together (carefully) and waggled his eyebrows enticingly. "You want a demonstration?" he asked, and Rude glowered.
"Reno, you broke your pelvis," he reminded him. "You are not going to be demonstrating anything, whether it's for educational purposes or otherwise."
"You broke your pelvis?!" Tifa yelped a little louder than she meant to do. Moreover, she sounded much more dismayed than she should have, but that was a different matter altogether. "How the hell did you--dear gods, Reno!" How was the man walking at all?
He just blinked at her. "What?" he asked, sounding genuinely surprised by her shock. "It's not like I've never broken myself before..." An auburn eyebrow arched. "You've been there for at least one occasion of breakage--aren't you going to rib me about the time you broke a bunch of my ribs?"
Her dismay hadn't escaped him, and a little part of him was secretly amused and ever so slightly warmed by her thinly veiled worry.
"Well I wasn't going to, but then you went and made that awful pun," she teased, shaking her head at him. "Still. Your pelvis. Dear gods." Angling that fine eyebrow at Rude again, Tifa inquired, "How'd you manage to let him get hit by a car, hm?"
Rude bristled visibly. "I wasn't there," he insisted stiffly, setting his drink down sharply. "He was on his lunch break and decided to run out into traffic--"
"For your information," Reno interjected, turning his eyes to Tifa, "there was a kid in the crosswalk, and I wasn't about to let him get flattened--" He stopped short, realizing that if Tifa found out it was Denzel he'd saved from the car, his efforts to keep secret the fact that he'd assisted in the boy's tardiness after lunch would be blown.
Tifa's pretty face broke into an approving smile. And you think you won't make a good dad, her eyes chided him before she lifted her gaze to Rude. "C'mon, I was kidding," she told him, reaching out and nudging him in the shoulder. "From what Reno says, you're a great partner. I didn't mean anything by it."
Reno actually chuckled when Rude grumbled something unintelligible under his breath and sipped at his drink again. "Don't mind him, Babe," he said jovially, leaning forward again to nurse at his cup of coffee. "He knows you don't mean any harm."
Rude fidgeted in his seat and took another long drink of his cocktail, since he couldn't exactly be expected to say anything through a mouthful of booze. Then he shook his head, grumbling, "Anyone else might have killed him by now." He frowned balefully at the redhead. "Or themselves."
Laughing, Reno nudged Rude gingerly in the ribs. "Come on, you know you love how exciting I make your life," he teased, and Rude just looked at Tifa, one eyebrow lifted sharply above his sunglasses.
"I don't know how his mother survived," he said to the woman, capping his sunglasses at her. "I've known this pain in the ass since he was five, and I've had to stay my hand no less than three-hundred times."
Tifa burst out laughing, and it wasn't obvious if she was laughing because it was funny or because it was true, or whether she was laughing at Rude or at Reno. "You're doing better than I am," she chuckled. "I've known him just about two years and I've hit the same threshold." And she winked at Reno, trying to avoid an indignant squawk that would probably hurt his torso.
Reno scowled at her. "You're mean," he groused into his coffee. "Although I feel I must congratulate you. You actually got Rude saying more than three words at a time. Usually I'm the only one who can do that."
Grinning, she lifted an eyebrow at Rude. "Well, I must say I'm honored, then, though I'm kind of wondering why. You don't know me too well, at least not in any way I was aware of--you read up on me and decide I'm worth talking to, or has Reno been talking about me behind my back?" Chuckling a little, Tifa glanced at Reno for a moment before looking back to Rude, finishing up her joke with, "In which case, I'd imagine he's worse than Elena. If only because she doesn't get hit by cars."
"Hay! Elena got kidnapped by a creepy mob boss, in case you forgot!" he snapped back, pounding his fist on the counter again and then sucking a sharp breath through his teeth at the pain.
Rude said nothing, but suddenly looked very interested in his drink again. It wasn't like he could tell Tifa the truth... Reno, meanwhile, was kicking himself in the back of his mind for egging Rude on at all, and it wasn't helping his concussion. His partner had been harboring a crush on Tifa for years now, and he'd not only slipped in under the radar and stolen her away, but was pretending to help him flirt with her. How cruel was that?
But then again...Rude had been dragging his feet with Tifa since he'd started liking her. In fact, Rude had been dragging his feet about girls in general as long as Reno had known him. Without Reno's incessant encouragement, Rude probably never would have dated anybody, except maybe Chelsea--and she'd been assigned to seek him out and date him. Poor Rude really couldn't have refused.
In all honesty, there had actually been a time when Reno had...questioned his friend's orientation. Rude had a history of balking when chatting up girls--he could barely chat, let alone with women--and Reno remembered countless occasions where he'd set his friend up with a pretty girl only to find Rude showing up at alone a few hours later after having made some bad excuse and fleeing the vicinity. It had all been rather unnerving, to be honest. Reno and Rude had grown up together, and the sudden idea that Rude might have been secretly harboring other crushes as fiercely as he'd been harboring the one on Tifa had left Reno feeling decidedly disconcerted...
- Rural sidestreet, Gongaga; 13:43
Tuesday, December 16th 1997
He was at it again, Rude noticed without comment as they made their way past the rough underbrush on the little path that ran through the Gongaga area. He did it whenever they had downtime--or rather, whenever they were assigned to do anything that involved a lot of the mundane, since Reno spent his actual downtime doing things other than nattering about his latest sexual conquest. But as they'd been ordered to scout the area around Gongaga, and that was about as interesting as watching grass grow (Reno had argued earlier that it was literally all they were really doing anyway), the redhead had taken to chatting about the string of busty brunettes he'd entertained since last Saturday.
Rude really wasn't listening. He was actually trying to do his job, though Reno did have a bit of a point in that there wasn't much going on, and his partner's talk was making it hard to hear potential
He'd taken an interest in Tifa a rather long time ago, nearly a year now. She'd been romantically involved with a known higher-up in AVALANCHE and the Turks had done a fair bit of reconnaissance on her, especially considering the somewhat suspicious circumstances under which she'd parted ways from her boyfriend and acquired her bar in Sector Seven. In any case, he'd taken a shine to her through the course of the recon but had determined himself not to say anything; it wasn't a hard secret to keep, really, considering how little he said anyway. Besides, if anyone knew about it, Rude would have been removed from the recon, and he didn't exactly trust Reno not to peek into her bathroom window or something.
Also, the last time Rude had made the mistake of mentioning he thought a girl was pretty, Reno had seized upon it like a crusade, and it had been a disaster. Rude had been spruced up (a process that for some reason had involved aftershave on his bare head--which stung like hell, for the record--and a flower stuffed into his breast pocket--which the girl ironically was allergic to, though Reno hadn't known that at the time), debriefed, and shoved haplessly into the bar they'd seen her enter (they had been surveilling her to orchestrate a 'chance' meeting, and by 'they had been surveilling' he really meant something more along the lines of 'Reno had dragged him across half the city to spy on the poor girl'). Once inside, things had gone from bad to worse, and after accidentally spilling a Tequila Sunrise down the girl's shirt, Rude had fled the building in a panic, bearing with him a mortification that lasted him to this very day.
And she had just been a civilian. Tifa had gone from a dangerous woman ShinRa needed to keep tabs on to an outright enemy, and there was no way he had any chance with her now (as if he had ever, really), with or without Reno's so-called 'help'. She would sooner punch his teeth in than let him treat her to dinner, and so the candle he held for her was really a fruitless one, and didn't bear mentioning. Still, regardless of how carefully and intentionally he'd kept it a secret, Reno's descriptions of brunette beauties and the things he'd done to them were aggravating to say the least. Reno had an ease with women that bordered on the savant, and there were times (like these) that Rude was painfully envious of that fact.
"...and man, this girl had the nicest ass I have ever seen, I tell you what," Reno's words tweaked at Rude's attention again as he faded out of his irritated reminiscing. He glanced at his partner in time to see him pantomiming a rather lewd action. "She was a knockout! And you shoulda seen the way she could bend! Legs that went on for miles, and a smile that could out-dazzle diamonds." He whistled, then made an hourglass shape with his hands, running his arms down the air in front of him. "36-24-36, my man...the combination to my heart, yo." He laughed raucously, then noticed Rude was scowling. His smile faded, and he tilted his head, his brow furrowed in confusion. "What's eating you, buddy? You look like you swallowed a bad Potion."
Glancing away, Rude cleared his throat, trying valiantly to shove away his aggravation. It wasn't Reno's fault; Reno didn't even know. They did tend to share the same taste in women, and so naturally someone Reno found incredibly attractive was going to strike Rude the same way--Reno probably thought he was doing him a favor, recounting all his escapades, and there was no real way to tell him that every time he described one of his beauties, Rude kept imagining Tifa's face. Or that how it struck the man as immensely and ironically unfair that Reno would have better luck with Tifa than he ever would, even though Reno had very little respect for serious relationships and had all the fidelity of jackrabbit. He'd seen the way Tifa cared for the little girl, Marlene; Tifa was a good woman, and the thought of Reno adding her to his long list of emotionless liaisons--and worse, bragging about it later--was infuriating.
Reno's eyes narrowed suspiciously, and he propped one fist on one slender hip, an eyebrow arched elegantly as he noted, "Yanno, you always clam up when I get to talkin' about the ladies, yo." He frowned in thought, his free hand moving to rub his chin contemplatively. "You're a lousy sounding board on the subject of women, and you frequently look angry when I recount my nightly shenanigans." He spread his arms out to his sides. "Come on, what's the deal? You act as if you don't want to hear about it!"
He suddenly looked stricken. "Wait, is that it?" he asked, and twisted, a hand near his face in mock dismay. "Does this subject make you...uncomfortable, Rude?"
Rude's glance at Reno was sharp and sudden, the corners of his mouth downturned and his brow furrowed, eyes narrow and unamused behind his sunglasses. "Maybe," he conceded, looking away from Reno once more and surveying the underbrush rather pointedly--they were supposed to be working, after all. "Strange talking about it doesn't make you uncomfortable."
Reno blew a raspberry. "Puh-lease..." he guffawed. "Why should it make me uncomfortable? There's nothing strange about it." He wagged a finger at his partner to emphasize his statement. "It's an entirely natural biological function." He spread his arms again. "You know, dolphins fuck for fun, too." He made a face then, realizing that statement might take the conversation down a really awkward road, and quickly amended, "So why can't I talk about how I do?"
"Dolphin's don't talk about it," Rude answered simply, finding himself wondering when Elena would see fit to meet them for the rendezvous so they could leave. Tseng was supposed to be sending her along to recall them, and it would have been rather nice right about then.
"Well, maybe they should," Reno refuted. "I bet they'd have all kinds of great stories to tell--have you ever had sex underwater?" Rude just sort of grunted, and Reno rolled his eyes, his shoulders slumping comically. "Seriously, Rude, what's crawled up your ass today? I didn't even go into a lot of detail this time. Why're you always so uptight when I get to talking about the ladies?" He snorted. "You're not jealous, are you?" he prodded teasingly. "When was the last time you got laid, pal?"
Rude just grunted again, and Reno threw his arms in the air.
"Well if it's not for lack-o-nookie, then what's the problem?" he demanded, apparently knowing exactly what Rude's grunt may or may not have meant. "If you're not jealous of my full dance card, then what is it? What is--are you jealous of them? You want me for yourself or something? Crimony, Rude, sometimes I really wish you'd tell me what's in your head." He regarded the older man very seriously. "You're not sweet on me, are ya, aibou?" he asked, his voice hesitant. Then he held up both hands quickly. "Cuz I mean...that's cool and all, I don't...it's really not... I won't--I'm not judging you--"
Though Rude didn't actually interrupt him, he might as well have; capping his sunglasses, Rude gave him the most bewildered and incredulous stare imaginable, a look so intense it halted even Reno, a seasoned veteran of the incredulous stare, in his tracks. Was he actually serious? Did Reno really think Rude was jealous of him? Well, of...jealous of the women with him, as if he wanted to be with Reno himself?! That was preposterous, ludicrous...ingenious.
Slipping his sunglasses back into place, Rude smiled slightly, clearing his throat and adjusting his shoulders. "You wouldn't judge me?" he echoed, staring straight ahead and scanning the underbrush rather intently and watching Reno out the corner of his eye, his gaze safely hidden behind his sunglasses.
Reno stiffened visibly. Uh oh. "Ah...well, no, I wouldn't...uhm..." He fidgeted. "I mean, that--that's your choice and all, and...ah..." He swallowed hard. "Though remembering how we shared a bedroom when we were kids is suddenly kinda creeping me out, I'll admit." He stared blankly at his partner.
Egads--was Rude serious? Alex, sure...maybe even Adrian, but Rude was one man Reno would never have pegged for a homo. Certainly not with his fiercely religious mother and deep-seated pious nature. Reno had always been pretty free in his preferences, and was never really opposed to some fun in a group where at least one lady was involved, but...Rude? Seriously?
Rude was fighting not to smile. Just in case, he kept his face turned away from his partner, as if he were too ashamed to discuss this face to face with him. "That's how it started," he stated, clearing his throat rather awkwardly--or at least, that was what it sounded like. Really, he was trying to get the urge to chuckle out of his system in a way that wouldn't tip Reno off.
"Buh..." Reno just continued gazing at Rude, deadpan. Uhm...what was he supposed to say to that? Wait, when it started?? "Whoa, hey, whoa, hold on just one second there, sparky," he howled. "You mean to tell me you've had a crahhhh~" He couldn't even finish the word. Crush?! What?? "Since we were kids??" he finally managed to splutter.
Then he wrung his hands at his sides. Somehow this was entirely too creepy. They'd been to the onsen in Healin together before...hell, they'd even shared a bed before...but it had all been okay because they were best friends and being best friends was somehow the anti-homoerotic...whatever. The idea that Rude had...and...with the...
He pressed both hands over his face and sort of melted into a crouched position in the path, making a soft groaning sound. "I'm sorry, Rude, but this is seriously fucking with my head right now." He shuddered. "You couldn't have like...never told me?" Or at least told him before he'd made an ass out of himself all those times? (...Not that it would have likely stopped him from making an ass of himself in one form or another.) "Oh gods, my childhood..." Reno moaned, holding his head.
Rude cleared his throat again, and clasped his hands behind his back. "You asked, aibou," he reminded Reno gently, though he felt a twinge of guilt at Reno's aghast moaning. In all honesty, Rude felt entirely justified in playing this trick on Reno; it was the redhead's just comeuppance for all his gratuitous sex stories, but when he lamented the loss of his childhood, Rude did feel a little bad about it all.
Not bad enough to come clean, however. Not just yet. "...You said you wouldn't judge me," he reminded his partner sourly; quite obviously, Reno had quite a bit of judgment built up about this. Really, it was a good thing Rude didn't have a... Ugh, he couldn't even think the word. Still, it was a good thing this was all a joke; Rude wasn't even serious and he felt somewhat offended by Reno's disgust.
Reno sat back on his haunches and raked both hands back through his hair, dislodging his goggles and peering rather pitifully up at his partner. "I'm...not," he said, shaking his head firmly. "I mean, what you do behind closed doors is your business, buddy; I ain't gonna think less of you for having a porn collection fulla sausage." The mental image made Rude fight not to wince and shudder, but apparently Reno didn't notice, because he kept right on elaborating. "Hell, I know some pretty dudes; I can appreciate a nice body just like anybody else... Fuckin'...Cloud Strife is a very pretty man, and I can say that with no shame. Doesn't mean I wanna hop into bed with him, particularly, but I can appreciate that he is an attractive human being." He smeared a hand down his face. "But...somehow in retrospect this is all really creepy, okay?" He folded both arms around his head again. "Like if we had just met and you told me you wanted to go get it on I'd be...well...startled, I guess, but somehow it'd be different." He gestured vaguely at Rude. "I mean, you're an attractive guy and all--I don't usually go for the strong silent type myself, but...I'd be flattered if nothing else."
He lost his balance suddenly and toppled backward into the dusty road with a cry, then sat on his rump and frowned at Rude. "Like...man, I love you like a brother, yo," he said seriously. "Anything more than that is just kinda spooky in my book, what with the way things are." He made a face. "It's nothing personal." He tilted his head and leaned back on his hands in the dirt. "Or I guess technically it's...everything personal?" He scratched his head, getting dust in his hair, and regarded Rude with an amusingly sad look on his face.
Rude was a very quiet man, but his conscience was always deafeningly loud to make up for it, and he really couldn't take it anymore. Making Reno sad was something he couldn't abide doing; playing tricks on him and jerking his chain were all well and good when he was howling in embarrassment and shocked dismay, but when he was genuinely upset by it all, Rude had gone too far.
Turning around to face Reno, he offered his hand down to help his partner up off the ground. "Get up," he ordered sternly. "I'm not sure if I feel sorry for you for being gullible, or offended you bought it so quickly," chided Rude, capping his sunglasses with his free hand and smirking mischievously at Reno where he sat on the ground. "Do I really strike you as a homosexual?"
Reno reached up and nabbed Rude's hand. "Well, no," he replied, his mind still rather reeling from the whole thing, "which is why I was so damn surprised about--hay!" He snatched is hand back from Rude's grip and stumbled backward, tumbling back onto his rump from the sudden lack of leverage and somersaulting back to his feet in a rather impressive agile display. Leaping back upright, he jabbed a finger at his partner, his face twisted in exaggerated anger. "You mean you--you were pulling my leg, you sonova--?!" He bolted forward and punched Rude hard in the arm. "You asshole, that was not funny! Why I oughtta--you have like...three seconds to run, man, I'm'a pound you!"
"So now you want to pound me?" he echoed, still smirking, though now he was rubbing his arm rather idly; that punch really smarted. Even so, it had been entirely worth it, and he was well aware that Reno wasn't even mad at him--through his indignant rage, the redhead was laughing.
Reno punched him again, less viciously this time, shaking his head. "You...honestly had me goin' there for a second, yo," he grumbled. "Don't freak me out like that, you jerk. Seriously." He brandished a fist again. "Like...it's all good if you're into that and all, but...don't fall for me, yo." He gave a shit-eating grin. "I'll only break your heart, after all. And I'd hate to do that to you, buddy."
"I wouldn't fall for you even if I were gay," Rude assured him with a smile, in a much better mood now. He was actually rather touched through it all; Reno was the closest thing to a brother he had, and it was nice to know Reno held him in the same regard.
"Aww, well now I think I'm offended," he replied, pouting. "It's the ponytail, isn't it?"
With a touch of a smile, Rude simply capped his glasses and regarded Reno severely. Everyone knew the ponytail was the source of his powers, after all.
Reno chortled, then gave Rude a somewhat hopeless look. "So...okay, if you're not madly and hopelessly in love with me, then why is there always a bug in your britches when I get to nattering on the subject of sex?"
Glancing away, Rude just shrugged. "I should have been a dolphin," he said cryptically, scanning the underbrush once more.
Reno scratched his head. "Well but then you'd be all...beak-y and...flubbery." He shook his head.
"Blubbery," Rude corrected with a bit of a frown.
"Right, that," Reno conceded distractedly, "although I guess you've already got a head start on the hydrodynamics," he added, gesturing at the taller man's bald head.
Rude quirked up one side of his mouth. He wasn't irritated with Reno anymore, but he didn't really want to talk about exactly why Reno's stories bothered him so much. For all he knew, he could be gift-wrapped and turtle-waxed and punted into enemy territory with a pair of new gloves and a couple of materia as a peace offering, along with a note pinned to his shirt with a bad sonnet written out in Reno's slanted scrawl.
"So, aquatic mammals aside..." Reno said, one eyebrow arched. "Seriously, dude, what's on your mind?" Rude just fidgeted uncomfortably, and Reno rolled his eyes dramatically. "Oh come on, it can't possibly be any worse than being gay for me." He blinked. "Unless it's that you're gay for Cloud."
Reno supposed that would be worse.
Snorting somewhat, Rude agreed, "No, fortunately I am not gay for Cloud." And then he hesitated, his fear of turtle-wax all too real, but his leeriness of Reno pestering him without end much more real. "...Every woman you've described so far," he stated vaguely, "sounds like a girl I know."
Reno made a face. "Wait, you know girls?" he asked.
An eyebrow arched at him, and Rude frowned. Bad enough that he was utterly incompetent with women, but Reno was just rubbing it in, and he didn't even know it. "Not like you do."
The redhead just chuckled, one eyebrow arched coyly. "All right, all right, okay, so...Ru~de..." Reno folded his arms and regarded his friend severely. "Who do you like, then?" Clearly, if he wasn't gay for him, and he wasn't gay for...ah...Cloud...well, there must have been someone else on his mind. Rude grunted and turned away, and Reno's eyes glinted fiendishly as he craned his neck to get a look at his partner's face. "Ah--what're you turning all red for, hah?" he laughed. "Come on, man, who do you like?"
Rude was rather annoyed that Reno had mixed up the statement 'a girl I know' with the statement 'the girl I like', and he wasn't sure if it annoyed him because it just proved how analogous they were in Reno's mind (who didn't know any girls he hadn't...known, as it were), or because now there was no escape. Now, Rude had a choice to make. He could avoid the question entirely (which would only make Reno heckle him more in the long run), or he could say 'nobody' (which Reno would probably denounce straight off as a lie, considering the slight flush that had flitted across his cheeks at the question)... Or he could give him some other girl's name...or tell the truth.
All things considered, if Reno was going to be forcing him to go talk to a girl, it might as well have been the one he was actually interested in. Especially since, with his luck, the substitute girl would find him witty and charming and be utterly dazzled or something, and then Rude would have to date a girl he didn't actually have feelings for, or his secret would be blown anyway.
After a long, hard moment of quantitative contemplation, Rude answered, "...Tifa." He was fairly sure Reno would guffaw at the hopelessness of it, or laugh at him for his tastes in women, or think he was joking, or make some comment along the lines of 'man, you sure you'd rather not be gay for me?' or something. Reno was a good man, but he had the tact of a brick and the hair color to match.
Reno's reaction was decidedly none of the above, much to Rude's surprise. The redhead's eyes widened briefly, and then his hand moved to grip his chin in thought. "Ah...I see," he said wisely, looking contemplative. His brow furrowed and he lifted his gaze to his friend then.
What? Tifa? ...Tifa Lockhart? Really? That was most assuredly not the answer Reno had been expecting. He wasn't certain what he might have been expecting, but that hadn't been it by a long shot. Sure, sure, she was quite pretty--nice legs, great hair, pretty hands--but had Rude forgotten that she was the enemy? Rude was usually the kind of guy to know when things were a pretty lost cause--after all, he frequently advised Reno on such things--but apparently he was willing to put aside their differences in light of his feelings toward the girl.
His hand moved subconsciously to his ribs. While the bruises and breaks had already healed over, something ached at the idea of Rude liking Tifa of all people. Well, if things worked out, he had to hope the girl was less abusive of her friends than her enemies, anyway.
He whistled softly, then clicked his tongue. "That's a rough spot you've got yourself in there, pal," he said finally, and Rude shot him an incredulous look, as if the thought had never occurred to him. Did Reno really think he was unaware of the situation? He'd liked her for a long time, before she was technically the enemy, and even now that she was, he had a hard time casting it aside. It was hopeless, at least for now--if they didn't end up killing her in the line of duty, perhaps someday they could lay down their arms and by civil, but...
Reno frowned at the look in Rude's
Rude shook his head almost imperceptibly. "No, she likes the boss."
Reno's eyes snapped open wide and he staggered backward. "Wha--you serious?" he gasped. "I did not know that." Then he frowned. "But the boss likes that Ancient girl..."
Grunting, Rude was about to answer when he heard Elena's voice drifting over from down the road, and when he glanced down that way, he actually started--Tifa was standing right there, with Cloud Strife and Barret Wallace, Nanaki and the Ancient, Reeve's robot and some...small Wutaian teenager with the most impressive scowl Rude had seen since the last time Tseng glared at him. It must have been a Wutaian thing.
He really didn't bother wasting time analyzing the cultural differences in facial expressions, though. The group seemed to have been eavesdropping, and a wave of mortification washed over him; he turned and glanced sharply at Reno, as if this was all his fault. Technically, it was.
The redhead frowned at his partner, then glanced up when Elena came charging toward them, her brown eyes frantic and her arms flailing about, crying, "They're here! They're really here!" as if Cloud and his posse might have been invaders from a neighboring country. Reno fought the urge to palm his face. ...Elena was...really a handful. Oy. He cast his partner a meaningful glance then, his hand reaching back for his EMR.
"Looks like it's time to get to work," he muttered, and lifted his eyebrows. "Rude, don't go easy on them just 'cuz they're girls."
Rude scowled. "Don't worry," he said; "I'll do my job."
Reno was usually loath to strike a woman in combat, but that hadn't really been the point of his warning. If Rude was crushing on Tifa, it was going to put him in a hard position. Tifa had already proven she wasn't pulling any punches where ShinRa was involved, and if Rude decided to cut her a break because of his personal investment in the idea of dating her, they could end up in a world of trouble. Far be it from Reno to indict anyone for their taste, but Rude, as per his precedent, had apparently fallen for trouble.
Again.
And as Rude adjusted his gloves and they made to engage Cloud and his gang on that dirt road in Gongaga, Reno found himself wondering absently if it wouldn't have been better for Rude to have just let him believe he was gay...
if i were to wonder out loud, would it make you turn away?
just a curious question to think about...
if it was you and me and nobody else would want me to want to be ready to go?
would you want to take the lights down low?
you're the one stepping on the back of my shoes
you're the one using me as a muse
you're the one with the jet pack strapped to your back ready to go
ready to go...
whoooo i got an update out in a timely fashion this month! :D maybe i should just schedule to update on the first of the month--whaddya think of that, kids? might actually get things right if i do it the same time each month.
anyhoo, this chapter was a lot of fun to write. we got to poke fun at a bunch of fanon, and you all know how much we love to do that. XD it is, of course, all in good fun. we're not trying to offend anybody, so we hope you all laughed with us this chapter. ♥